For those of you who don't already know... I was recently published in the May/June issue of Somerset Studio magazine! My article is amazing, I am very proud of it... check it out if you can! Follow the link above to purchase the magazine online or go to your local Barnes and Noble...
"Do you realize we will always have each other, even if all else falls apart?
I came to the realization that when everything is going well and I am extraordinarily happy that I need to quit waiting for the other shoe to drop... I need to let myself enjoy.
I completed this piece in April. I have had so much going on in my life lately, I haven't had time to update my blog. Thanks to those that keep returning even when they know they may not find something new!
This piece is about having put a lot behind you, but finding that what is ahead of you seems too overwhelming.
This piece was inspired by an excerpt from my favorite podcast Radiolab The episode is "Lost and Found". You will find the excerpt "Finding Emily" at the very end of it. It is the last 20 minutes or so. This is not only one of the most profound love stories I have ever heard, but a story of will, a story of not giving up on the rescue of someone you love. This man literally pulls her right out of the darkness... literally. I can not really put words to it, you have to listen to it... Please... listen to it.
The entire episode is amazing. I recommend listening to the entire thing. Although, if you would like to listen to the "Finding Emily" episode first, click the play arrow and wait a few moments for the player to load, then click on the player about a 3rd of the way from the end. The timer will read 41 minutes.
This piece was created in September of last year. I had dreamt that I was trying to find my way through heavy pouring rain, driving rain. I could see the back of someone walking just ahead of me, but far enough that I couldn't make out who it was and I was trying to reach that person. I kept failing to close the gap. When I woke up, I realized that that person was me.
I hope you like my translation of driving rain.
This is my favorite image of my grandfather as a child. I use it maybe more than I should, but it has so much meaning to me. The words tell a story he shared with me, a story of his childhood and the special relationship he had with his mother. He is holding an image of her, one of the few I have.
He wears his heart on his sleeve, because he never seemed afraid to put his heart out there. I am a lot like him in that respect. Putting myself out there has sometimes caused great pain, but when I am rewarded by these risks, it makes it all worthwhile.
Check it out! Preorder "Art at the Speed of Life". You'll find me in there! Check out my name in the description! Oh yeah... life is good...
Letter to Dad:
The other day while riding in the passenger side of a car, I looked up at the sky to see the moon completely covered in clouds. I patiently watched as the moon worked its way out from under its blanket. The moment the half moon shape finally made its way into view I made a wish. I wished I believed in heaven, because then I could find comfort that he is up there somewhere with the moon’s beauty.
I could write pages of memories that would keep us here all day. Instead I will share with you in the form of a letter to my dad what it meant for me to have him as my father.
Dear Dad,
As a little girl you made me feel like a princess, like the only girl in the world. It was because of you that I knew I was special, even at such a young age.
As a teenager, you made me feel safe and secure. I knew I could always count on your unconditional love, even with the emotional turmoil involved with a young girl in the midst of becoming an adult. I never doubted you, even with the worry I caused you, as teenagers will do.
As an adult, you are the reason I love the person I am today. You taught me that the only higher power is that which lives inside us, and that I will never be happy until I embrace that power.
You were such a great dad. You were relentlessly a phone call away… always, advice and support, always… I never doubted that I could count on you for anything I needed. And in turn you rejoiced in every happy moment shared with myself and your grandchildren with so much pride.
Words could never begin to convey how much I will miss you. Your smile, your dry sense of humor, the sound of your voice, and that as time passed you sounded more and more like grandpa. I will miss hearing “I love you” every single time we spoke.
You were there through every single step of my life. My heart is broken that I will not have you here for the remainder.
I will hear your voice and see your face in my dreams for the rest of my life. You will live on in my heart forever, I promise.
I love you,
Brandie
I feel that I did the most I could have ever done as a parent to support you. I am proud of you for being strong enough to choose what you want in your life, and not making your choice based on how this decision would make me feel, but I still can't help feeling rejected. Please know that I am always here for you. You are my heart.
To think that I briefly had it back, only having to let it go in fear of breaking it again, I know that I am not strong enough for this.
This piece is from a journal page a little while back. The heart is cut from a random piece of sheet music. When P Molte appeared on the heart I had cut out, I looked it up. It means very soft piano... or very soft music.
Thank you for looking
Brandie
What will I do when I stop dreaming about you?
The photos are beginning to wear,
when I am only trying to remember your face,
Tell me, what will I do when I stop dreaming of you?
When my time constraints with holding a full time job and family prevent my time for art, when everyday life interrupts, I journal. This helps me hold on to the heightened emotion when I can't act on it immediately. This piece is based on steno pad writings from July 11th. A hard day for me at work, because, it is the anniversary of my grandfather's death. As I struggled through the day with the pain in my heart that would spark each time I looked at the normally unnoticed daily date that automatically populated with each entry on the computer screen, I would try to bring his face to mind and found it difficult. Upon going home for lunch, I retrieved my photos, my shoebox gift from my grandmother, I selected my favorite one and hung it on my cubicle wall... this helped me through the rest of my work day. I journaled between calls and after work that day... but this is what has stayed with me since that day. The more we move on... as the time passes the memories are pushed further back in our minds. I do dream less about him. It feels like he visits me less and less with every day that passes.
We have a calendar in our minds. Our memories will mark days of importance and visit them emotionally each and every year. Whenever I am feeling overwhelming anxiety, this is what I search for first...Looking inside I ask myself, is there a moment in my past resurfacing? This date is particularly obvious... for it is in it's 21st year, but sometimes I make interesting discoveries about my past, about myself.
Thank you for looking,
Brandie
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