The Only Girl in the World

I'm sorry about my long absence around here and everywhere else... I have been out of my head a little...

This piece is about being a little girl, about what it was like growing up adored... It's about having a dad... who didn't see any other girl in the world, only me.

My dad has been very sick over the last few months.  He was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's years ago and it has progressed very quickly in the last year or so. 

He has trouble moving the lower half of his body and often falls down and he cannot get back up on his own.  He sometimes, not often but enough times, has a hard time communicating one coherent thought to the next. 

He is now in a nursing home for physical therapy and they are adjusting his medications while they can keep a close eye on him, in hopes that his current issues are due to improper dosage.  They don't think he will be able to go home. (ever) He will at least need assisted living care (at 63).

It is so hard to find words right now... This piece has taken me three weeks to complete, unheard of for me. 

I miss my dad.  Yes he is still here.  But at the same time he is not.  He is a different person... devoid of most of the person he was before... he seems sad and depressed most of the time.  I want the dry sense of humor... the pride in his eyes when he looks at me... when he looks at his granddaughters.  I want his passion for travel, for gardening, for his home to come back.  I want him back.  Every now and then we have glimpses of his sense of humor, thankfully it seems to be the easiest to come back when he is feeling better.

Even though I know it is my art that will help me most, I am having trouble pushing myself to my art table...  I have been afraid I guess of what would come out.  I have dark visions and I find myself thinking that, you know, maybe I should own a black dress, I don't have one, I might need one all too soon. 

Finally, I pushed that thought out of my head or at least I put it in the closet, I shut off the light, so now it is in a dark place in my mind and I finished this piece. 

"The Only Girl in the World" is a happy piece.  It goes back to a very very happy place in my life.  Growing up with Grandparents that thought the sun rose and set according to Brandie's existence.  Parents that worked so hard everyday to make sure I had everything I needed.  I look back and think of what I took for granted...  There is nothing compared to being adored, and not all little girls are so lucky.  My father told me he loved me every single time he talked to me...  every single time.  He still does. And when I can see his face, I can still see it in his eyes...  I guess that is something, isn't it?

I believe some kind of magic happened inside my dad when I was born...  I hope he still has it.  I miss seeing it.

Parkinson's is an ugly disease. It not only has it's awful physical symptoms, but it attacks your dopamine receptors. These receptors help us to feel passion and happiness...  They are the driving force that lights our faces with excitement.  How easy it is for the Parkinson's patient to fall into depression... the disease is killing their body's defense mechanisms needed to avoid depression.

This photo was taken before I was born, but I think I followed shortly...  My grandma has been racking her brain, trying to figure out which dog this was... :) 

"The Only Girl in the World" was created on 12 x 24 x 3/4 inch cradled gessobord.  I love the brilliant color and that the words in the sheet music make sense with the overall piece.

Thank you all for visiting and lending me your ear...

Brandie

Comments

[Valerie Mann]

I was my daddy's little girl too...the apple of his eye...I was lost when he passed but I sit quietly and I hear his voice, remember the wonderful things about him...he has been gone since 1973...He had a beautiful singing voice and I still breakdown when I hear the songs he used to sing...I always asked him to make a record but he was too modest..it doesn't matter I still here his voice..big hugs to you....
I feel like I have found a new friend with much in common...take care

[Angelika Westermann]

Oh Brandie, I am feeling with you. It is terrible to see a beloved person reduced in his/her abilities. I watched my mother for five years dying of cancer, but at least she had her personality and recognized me - even saw that she was going to be a grandma although she missed my daughter's birth by just six weeks. Please don't stop making your art. You will see that this is one of the main things that can and will keep you sane.
Angelika

[Poohbear]

Hi Brandie, Just wanted to Post this note you have the most beautiful thoughts of anyone that I have ever known and you are blessed with the ability and talant of a much wiser and older woman. Your deep brown eyes have always seen what others haven't been able to see. I love you with all of my heart, and yes you are right when you were born your Daddy had such pride and I think that not just you being his daughter brought that pride but the fact that Your Grandma and Grandpa were so pleased that you were a girl and it didn't hurt that you looked like your precious Grandma :).
The dog for some reason I think was named Bridgette but I could be wrong your dad was around 14 in this picture :) I know I was there lol Love Mom

[Bridget]

My eyes started tearing as I read your post. I am very sorry to read about what's been happening with your Dad. Changes are hard. Feel what you need to feel. Love him and then love your Dad some more. You'll never be sorry. Art will happen. Don't rush it or even be disappointed in how long it takes to complete a piece. Please be very gentle with yourself right now. Hugs. Bridget

[beth]

Brandi, I met you at Art on the Lake in Excelsior earlier this summer, and I would still be standing in your booth-marveling over your work, if that were possible. : )I just ran across your business card and saw this new piece-also read your touching story regarding your Papa.
As a little girl who grew up with a very different kind of dad, I cannot even imagine-(but yet thru you I can) how wonderful that would have been. Cherish those precious memories, I love that you shared them.
p.s.- I like to think that my 3 children might feel they had that kind of childhood!

[Susie LaFond]

The piece is gorgeous. I will keep you and your Dad in my thoughts. I know words fall short; the art you've created is a tribute to the love your Dad has for you and you for him. Thanks for trusting us with such a tender piece of your heart.

[Mary]

So sorry about your dad Brandie. I pray for your whole family and that you and your family have the grace and the strength to deal with it.

[Regina]

I understand your pain & how hard it can be to access the flow of creativity.
It's so cool that you identified the special way your dad made you feel and could create this lovely piece of art.
xo

[Denise Steim]

Hey sweetums...was just visiting your blog and saw this post. I'm sorry about your papa, my thoughts are with you. if you need to get together for some cry time let me know. In the meantime, peace to you my friend.

[ArtSnark]

So sorry about your Dad. Lovely piece & memories- love the music in the leaves

[Pam Carriker]

I am moved to tears sweet Brandie. I'm so sorry about your dad and hope that your cherished memories of better days will give you strenght.
xoxo

[Monika]

Lovely piece - I love how you wrote: "There is nothing compared to being adored, and not all little girls are so lucky."

[Kel_eh]

It's a beautiful piece, and a beautiful photo. I am so sorry that you are on this tough sad journey, and so early. May you have all the piece and strength and love you need to get you through the hard days.