What will I do when I stop dreaming about you?
The photos are beginning to wear,
when I am only trying to remember your face,
Tell me, what will I do when I stop dreaming of you?
When my time constraints with holding a full time job and family prevent my time for art, when everyday life interrupts, I journal. This helps me hold on to the heightened emotion when I can't act on it immediately. This piece is based on steno pad writings from July 11th. A hard day for me at work, because, it is the anniversary of my grandfather's death. As I struggled through the day with the pain in my heart that would spark each time I looked at the normally unnoticed daily date that automatically populated with each entry on the computer screen, I would try to bring his face to mind and found it difficult. Upon going home for lunch, I retrieved my photos, my shoebox gift from my grandmother, I selected my favorite one and hung it on my cubicle wall... this helped me through the rest of my work day. I journaled between calls and after work that day... but this is what has stayed with me since that day. The more we move on... as the time passes the memories are pushed further back in our minds. I do dream less about him. It feels like he visits me less and less with every day that passes.
We have a calendar in our minds. Our memories will mark days of importance and visit them emotionally each and every year. Whenever I am feeling overwhelming anxiety, this is what I search for first...Looking inside I ask myself, is there a moment in my past resurfacing? This date is particularly obvious... for it is in it's 21st year, but sometimes I make interesting discoveries about my past, about myself.
Thank you for looking,