What will I do when I stop dreaming about you?
The photos are beginning to wear,
when I am only trying to remember your face,
Tell me, what will I do when I stop dreaming of you?
When my time constraints with holding a full time job and family prevent my time for art, when everyday life interrupts, I journal. This helps me hold on to the heightened emotion when I can't act on it immediately. This piece is based on steno pad writings from July 11th. A hard day for me at work, because, it is the anniversary of my grandfather's death. As I struggled through the day with the pain in my heart that would spark each time I looked at the normally unnoticed daily date that automatically populated with each entry on the computer screen, I would try to bring his face to mind and found it difficult. Upon going home for lunch, I retrieved my photos, my shoebox gift from my grandmother, I selected my favorite one and hung it on my cubicle wall... this helped me through the rest of my work day. I journaled between calls and after work that day... but this is what has stayed with me since that day. The more we move on... as the time passes the memories are pushed further back in our minds. I do dream less about him. It feels like he visits me less and less with every day that passes.
We have a calendar in our minds. Our memories will mark days of importance and visit them emotionally each and every year. Whenever I am feeling overwhelming anxiety, this is what I search for first...Looking inside I ask myself, is there a moment in my past resurfacing? This date is particularly obvious... for it is in it's 21st year, but sometimes I make interesting discoveries about my past, about myself.
Thank you for looking,
Brandie
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Posted by: Nike Shox R4 Flywire | September 02, 2010 at 05:57 AM
Quite a lovely post. My grandmother died this July 11th so I was hit by your post as I too will remember this date always.
Posted by: Jane | August 05, 2010 at 01:31 PM
So true, Brandie. My Mom died 25 years ago and the memories that I thought I couldn't ever forget are much dimmer. I feel guilty, but I suppose it's a form of self-protection. Thank you for a lovely post.
xo
Laurie
Posted by: Laurie Blau-Marshall | July 24, 2010 at 02:06 PM
Your post really touched me. It has been just over 2 years since my Mom passed away. For the first year, it was a day to day remembering. Grief was sharp. I found creating artwork in remembrance did help. Time has helped as well, but dates still matter v- Mom's birthday, when she passed away and holidays.
Thanks for shring.
Love this artwork as well.
Posted by: Bev Baird | July 24, 2010 at 12:56 PM
I found myself stunned that the world just went on as if nothing happened when Dad died. It was as if my mind was saying, "Don't you know that something significant just happened? Stop! Pay your respects."
Of course, that's not the way it happens. So we often have our private moments of grief. And they are more precious because they don't become common like the latest breaking news for everyone to hash over.
Hugs, Dear One!
Posted by: regina | July 24, 2010 at 11:09 AM
I just found your site and LOVE your artwork! This piece is especially touching to me since I just lost my grandfather a couple of months ago.
Posted by: Sherry Owings | July 24, 2010 at 10:44 AM
Well said. Eloquent and introspective.
Posted by: Tracie Cunningham | July 24, 2010 at 10:39 AM